Thursday, 6 March 2008
Parental Alienation: To parental alienators and alienated parents ... here's what I'm laughing about
Parental Alienation: To parental alienators and alienated parents ... here's what I'm laughing about
First week of many....
Wow, its been just over a week now and we (me and Samantha) have not had any contact, emails, texts, voice mails or letters from my ex, and the police have not been around, I really cant beleive it!! :)
Unless you have read the text below you might not think to much of that but, this is the first time in over 13 months that we have had not contact, direct or indirect, indirect being in the form of a call or a letter to my mom.
Lets hope the peace continues.........
Unless you have read the text below you might not think to much of that but, this is the first time in over 13 months that we have had not contact, direct or indirect, indirect being in the form of a call or a letter to my mom.
Lets hope the peace continues.........
Friday, 22 February 2008
I know it has been a while since my last post but I have been doing research and finding out just how wide spread the sort of experience is, my experience, the experience of being totally alienated from your children and having to watch and listen as you see each of your children slowly turn against you, and now think that I am a total W****r, loser and a really bad father, hmm, please ask my partners 3 children who I live with if you want the truth on that.
Anyway ....
Through research and loads of support, thanks Sam, my truly fantastic and wonderful partner, only God knows what strength she has given me in the past 12 months, she has had to support me and put up with the fact that my ex has totally got it in for her, given her total abuse via phone, text, email and now even written letters through the front door, this has been going on every week for the past 13 months, every week.
What do the police and courts do.... yep, not a thing.
To be honest, after yet another 3 visits from the police this week, I kid you not, 3 times this week, I think me and Samantha have met every police officer that works and Bournville Lane police station, which is not to bad for Sam as she likes a man in uniform lol :) . (Only joking, still love you more Samantha!!) Oh not forgetting the odd prayer now and then I have come across some sites that I think will interest you, it is all to do with parental alienation, I will not try to describe it when the experts do a fer better job, if you go to Dr. L.F. Lowenstein site here:
http://www.parental-alienation.info/index.html you will find the whole shocking truth, and just how widespread this alienation is, now I have to fight on but if you want to help please just let people know about this blog or send them the link to either Dr. L.F. Lowenstein site or the following site, which I know is an American site but its a start:
http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com
If any one, father, mother or grand parents wants to know more, just to get some support or knows of any where alienated parents can get support please post a reply.
I came across a poem off the parental alienation awareness site that really made me feel:
I have added to articles to my web site on this, again from the parental alienation awareness site, please give them a read and know that we all have feelings:
http://nlpsupport.com/articles/parental-alienation-syndrome/did-you-know-that-parental-alienation-is-a-form-of-child-abuse
and
http://nlpsupport.com/articles/parental-alienation-syndrome/a-kidnapped-mind/
Alan
Anyway ....
Through research and loads of support, thanks Sam, my truly fantastic and wonderful partner, only God knows what strength she has given me in the past 12 months, she has had to support me and put up with the fact that my ex has totally got it in for her, given her total abuse via phone, text, email and now even written letters through the front door, this has been going on every week for the past 13 months, every week.
What do the police and courts do.... yep, not a thing.
To be honest, after yet another 3 visits from the police this week, I kid you not, 3 times this week, I think me and Samantha have met every police officer that works and Bournville Lane police station, which is not to bad for Sam as she likes a man in uniform lol :) . (Only joking, still love you more Samantha!!) Oh not forgetting the odd prayer now and then I have come across some sites that I think will interest you, it is all to do with parental alienation, I will not try to describe it when the experts do a fer better job, if you go to Dr. L.F. Lowenstein site here:
http://www.parental-alienation.info/index.html you will find the whole shocking truth, and just how widespread this alienation is, now I have to fight on but if you want to help please just let people know about this blog or send them the link to either Dr. L.F. Lowenstein site or the following site, which I know is an American site but its a start:
http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com
If any one, father, mother or grand parents wants to know more, just to get some support or knows of any where alienated parents can get support please post a reply.
I came across a poem off the parental alienation awareness site that really made me feel:
"Mommy, please, it's just not fair Daddy,
don't talk about Mommy when she's not there,
I love you both, don't make me choose,For
if I must, we all will lose,
I know that both my parents care,And in my life,
I want both there,"
Though Mommy and Daddy,
you're apart,
I love you both with all my heart."
I have added to articles to my web site on this, again from the parental alienation awareness site, please give them a read and know that we all have feelings:
http://nlpsupport.com/articles/parental-alienation-syndrome/did-you-know-that-parental-alienation-is-a-form-of-child-abuse
and
http://nlpsupport.com/articles/parental-alienation-syndrome/a-kidnapped-mind/
Alan
Sunday, 2 September 2007
Police and social services
Throughout all of this complete episode that has now been going on for nine months I have to bring to out how I now feel about the police and social services, the institutions that are supposed to be in place to look after and protect you, I have found to be totally bias and a complete waste of time.
Drunk at 1.30 in the morning
You see my ex wife came around to my house at 1.30am, with my eldest daughter in the car, so to try and paint a better picture I will start…..
It was just a usual night really, the same routine, until around 1.30am in the morning, we were awoken with what seemed like a banging and a knocking at the door, you know how it is when you have just woken up, or been woken up, it takes you a moment or to gather your thoughts and ‘wake up’. Well I went down stairs to look out the front window and there was my ex-wife kicking well booting really the front door, yelling and screaming for me to open the door because she wanted to ‘talk’ yeah right, like I was gonna open the door and talk to her in that frame of mind, I have learned my lesson from the last time, it ended up with my getting arrested and her getting off Scott free, hmm, I see a pattern forming here, it the one where she causes all the s**t and I get the blame!
Anyway, after calling the police on 999, because neither me or my partner would answer the door, and to be fair to the police they did respond very quickly, this is where my perspective or view on the police started to change in the way that all this incident was handled, yes I know that police have a difficult job but the way all of this was handled and, to this date, the lack of anything happening really has made me feel differently about the police, and to a greater degree the social services of this country.
As the police tried to get my ex to move away and to go home, remember it was now around 2.00am in the morning, the eye opener in the fact that my ex can tell the police to “Get the F**k away from me”, “leave me the F**k alone”, “who the hell do you think you are F**king talking to”, and not even get a telling off for makes you wonder what would have happened if I had opened the door and a verbal slagging match would have taken place, I feel I would have been arrested again and in some way it would have been my fault, but that it just my opinion.
My partner at this point was fantastic, keeping my calm and talking to the police, I even got to have a chat with my daughter, the whole reason my ex was supposed to have come round, and when I did sit down with my daughter on the wall outside my house, with a police officer present, my daughter did not have a word to say to me, apart from bad language, hmm, sounds like her mom, but that’s for later on.
Anyway after what seemed like an age my ex finally got in to her car and the police came to talk to me and my partner where is was brought up that they thought my ex had been drinking, so my partner asked if something should be done about that, Oh both the police officers said, I thought we could smell alcohol! Amazingly they had not even called the traffic police at this point, it had to be pointed out that perhaps they should call the traffic police and maybe, just maybe she was driving while under the influence with a minor in the car!
The drive away
Anyway, as the police set in the car waiting for my ex to drive off, before she did she got back out the car, and tried to knock back on my door, she was moved away yet again by both the police officers, giving them both a mouth full of abuse as before. She then drove off, now remember that my daughter is in the car with her, anyway she subsequently gets arrested and taken to the station on suspicion of drink driving, over the next few weeks I do try to confirm if she has been banned but I do not get anywhere, even talking to social services it a complete waste of time, you would think that more would be done about someone drink driving with children in the car, seems you have to either kill a child or do really bad things before they even “bat an eye lid”, as you can guess my calls to them fell on deaf ears, all I wanted to do was make sure my children were ok they never did......
Drunk at 1.30 in the morning
You see my ex wife came around to my house at 1.30am, with my eldest daughter in the car, so to try and paint a better picture I will start…..
It was just a usual night really, the same routine, until around 1.30am in the morning, we were awoken with what seemed like a banging and a knocking at the door, you know how it is when you have just woken up, or been woken up, it takes you a moment or to gather your thoughts and ‘wake up’. Well I went down stairs to look out the front window and there was my ex-wife kicking well booting really the front door, yelling and screaming for me to open the door because she wanted to ‘talk’ yeah right, like I was gonna open the door and talk to her in that frame of mind, I have learned my lesson from the last time, it ended up with my getting arrested and her getting off Scott free, hmm, I see a pattern forming here, it the one where she causes all the s**t and I get the blame!
Anyway, after calling the police on 999, because neither me or my partner would answer the door, and to be fair to the police they did respond very quickly, this is where my perspective or view on the police started to change in the way that all this incident was handled, yes I know that police have a difficult job but the way all of this was handled and, to this date, the lack of anything happening really has made me feel differently about the police, and to a greater degree the social services of this country.
As the police tried to get my ex to move away and to go home, remember it was now around 2.00am in the morning, the eye opener in the fact that my ex can tell the police to “Get the F**k away from me”, “leave me the F**k alone”, “who the hell do you think you are F**king talking to”, and not even get a telling off for makes you wonder what would have happened if I had opened the door and a verbal slagging match would have taken place, I feel I would have been arrested again and in some way it would have been my fault, but that it just my opinion.
My partner at this point was fantastic, keeping my calm and talking to the police, I even got to have a chat with my daughter, the whole reason my ex was supposed to have come round, and when I did sit down with my daughter on the wall outside my house, with a police officer present, my daughter did not have a word to say to me, apart from bad language, hmm, sounds like her mom, but that’s for later on.
Anyway after what seemed like an age my ex finally got in to her car and the police came to talk to me and my partner where is was brought up that they thought my ex had been drinking, so my partner asked if something should be done about that, Oh both the police officers said, I thought we could smell alcohol! Amazingly they had not even called the traffic police at this point, it had to be pointed out that perhaps they should call the traffic police and maybe, just maybe she was driving while under the influence with a minor in the car!
The drive away
Anyway, as the police set in the car waiting for my ex to drive off, before she did she got back out the car, and tried to knock back on my door, she was moved away yet again by both the police officers, giving them both a mouth full of abuse as before. She then drove off, now remember that my daughter is in the car with her, anyway she subsequently gets arrested and taken to the station on suspicion of drink driving, over the next few weeks I do try to confirm if she has been banned but I do not get anywhere, even talking to social services it a complete waste of time, you would think that more would be done about someone drink driving with children in the car, seems you have to either kill a child or do really bad things before they even “bat an eye lid”, as you can guess my calls to them fell on deaf ears, all I wanted to do was make sure my children were ok they never did......
Friday, 24 August 2007
February and Keane
February and the concert.
This was a month in which I did manage to see my son, he even was allowed to stay over with me and my partner, wow, I hear you gasp!!
Keane in concert
You see I had brought my son some tickets to go and see Keane at the NEC some time last year and as the date was approaching I really thought that I would have to sell the tickets because my ex-partner would never let my son go out with me and my new partner, would she?
Hmm, well he was allowed and I have to say that we had a fantastic time, and I will always remember how wet we all got going from the car park to the venue, let me explain.
People or sheep:
People being people they will see either see a queue and join it or see a group of people walking in what seems the general direction of the venue and just follow. Well we did what all good sheep do and followed the crowed, not to bad at the start but as the rain got faster and faster, heaver and heaver, we all got wetter and wetter and the venue seemed miles away, strange how when you are driving its always closer! My son being the brighter one of this small group of me, my partner and himself put on 1 but 2 hoods upon his head and had great fun dancing in the rain making fun of me and my partner both trying very hard to stay dry under the smallest of umbrellas, but it was the kind of rain that came in from the side so, well you can just imagine we were getting very wet and following this long line of people heading towards the NEC.
Not a field…
Well, we were in great spirits even though we were getting wet and we even had a cross over a muddy field, see what happens when you just blindly follow people, what a laugh when we got to the other end of this field and we had to clime over a wire fence, me and my son were ok but Sam had her boots on and, well for any boot wearing ladies reading this, sinking, slipping and getting very muddy may spring to mind, but we did manage to get to the venue doors in one piece and looking back now, I have to smile because as we got to the venue doors we saw the bus stop that takes people to and from the car park. So let this be a lesson to you all, don’t just follow, and look for a bus first!
The concert was fantastic, and even though I was not really a Keane fan before the concert I am now, Louis and Sam got on really well and I thought this is how it should be.
I went to bed that night really pleased and happy knowing that my son got on well with my new partner and vice a versa really, but to be honest Sam is so good with children, caring and will give her time I did know that it would not be a problem.
Oh, please excuse my sons hair on the photo, well it was raining!!
Keane in concert
You see I had brought my son some tickets to go and see Keane at the NEC some time last year and as the date was approaching I really thought that I would have to sell the tickets because my ex-partner would never let my son go out with me and my new partner, would she?
Hmm, well he was allowed and I have to say that we had a fantastic time, and I will always remember how wet we all got going from the car park to the venue, let me explain.
People or sheep:
People being people they will see either see a queue and join it or see a group of people walking in what seems the general direction of the venue and just follow. Well we did what all good sheep do and followed the crowed, not to bad at the start but as the rain got faster and faster, heaver and heaver, we all got wetter and wetter and the venue seemed miles away, strange how when you are driving its always closer! My son being the brighter one of this small group of me, my partner and himself put on 1 but 2 hoods upon his head and had great fun dancing in the rain making fun of me and my partner both trying very hard to stay dry under the smallest of umbrellas, but it was the kind of rain that came in from the side so, well you can just imagine we were getting very wet and following this long line of people heading towards the NEC.
Not a field…
Well, we were in great spirits even though we were getting wet and we even had a cross over a muddy field, see what happens when you just blindly follow people, what a laugh when we got to the other end of this field and we had to clime over a wire fence, me and my son were ok but Sam had her boots on and, well for any boot wearing ladies reading this, sinking, slipping and getting very muddy may spring to mind, but we did manage to get to the venue doors in one piece and looking back now, I have to smile because as we got to the venue doors we saw the bus stop that takes people to and from the car park. So let this be a lesson to you all, don’t just follow, and look for a bus first!
The concert was fantastic, and even though I was not really a Keane fan before the concert I am now, Louis and Sam got on really well and I thought this is how it should be.
I went to bed that night really pleased and happy knowing that my son got on well with my new partner and vice a versa really, but to be honest Sam is so good with children, caring and will give her time I did know that it would not be a problem.
Oh, please excuse my sons hair on the photo, well it was raining!!
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
January
This is where things start to get a little weird, or should I say this is when my regular contact with my children starts to become a little more, how do you say sporadic.
My ex wife now knows about my girlfriend, but then again she also tells me about her boyfriend, not a problem for me, as long as he is good to my children then I am happy, even though I was still getting flowers off my ex, hmm, even my girlfriend found that a little strange!
Its now that my contact starts to become less and less with my children, I get restricted to 4 hours a week, with the request, err no the demand that I can only see the children at my parents house, my new partner can not be there and I can not take the children out the house, as you can guess after about 2 weeks of such restricted access the children get board and they start telling me they don’t want to come on their allowed days.
Painful on the inside that…
My ex wife now knows about my girlfriend, but then again she also tells me about her boyfriend, not a problem for me, as long as he is good to my children then I am happy, even though I was still getting flowers off my ex, hmm, even my girlfriend found that a little strange!
Its now that my contact starts to become less and less with my children, I get restricted to 4 hours a week, with the request, err no the demand that I can only see the children at my parents house, my new partner can not be there and I can not take the children out the house, as you can guess after about 2 weeks of such restricted access the children get board and they start telling me they don’t want to come on their allowed days.
Painful on the inside that…
Todays thought...
I know I am writing this blog with in retrospect or hindsight, but to be honest, even now while I am writing this it is still really hard to believe that it has been 8 months without regular and, what I would call supportive, constructive contact, the kind of contact where you can address issues of boyfriends, in the case of my 14 your old, homework, the dangers of peer pressure, sex, smoking drink and drugs.
Remember we were all 14 once, well unless your younger reading this, then, you will be 14 one day!! anyway I always remember from my time at school what 14 year old boys and older were like around girls of that age, I was one of them boys, so I know how peer pressure works and the consequences that can happen if you are not strong enough in yourself and have the support of your family and friends around you and how decisions you make now can effect your life.
Time of the month
With both my girls, well before I had no contact at all, I would always take time out to talk to them individually, see how they were getting on and if they had any issues that they did not want to talk to anyone else about, if they did we would address them, calmly and with a positive attitude of wanting to sort things out, for example when your daughter comes to you and tell you she has 'come on', you either faint, panic, call for an ambulance or stay calm, talk and re-assure her and take a trip to the chemist and pick up some pads, oh, just in case you are wondering, I did the latter :)
With regards to my younger two children, 12 and 10, again just being able to be say a few supportive words or just be there for a hug has always been a big part of my life, so yes I do miss that, but for the children to hear arguments, see fighting between my and my ex-wife was no good for them, devil and the deep blue see spring to mind but in my children are always in my thoughts and prayers, and with my new partner by my side, this small, short term pain we are going through will bring about long term gain, of that I am sure.
Mental programming
My younger daughter who is 12 has been really calm through all of this, well so I thought, I got an email supposedly off her, slating me and saying really hurtful things about my new partner, hmm, I really think there should be a law stopping parents, what I can only describe as 'mental programming' their children against the other partner, this has to be a form of child abuse, well this is my opinion anyway as I have seen first hand how 3 loving, caring children are slowly turning on their dad, remember I can not contact my children in any way, all telephone numbers and email addresses have been changed and if I rely to any emails I get, like I did above, they now bounce back to me.
But after talking to my 12 year olds mentor at school, which I arranged for both my girls to have this support from school because I could see that they were not getting support at home, she is doing well in her studies and getting on with things the best she can.
Remember we were all 14 once, well unless your younger reading this, then, you will be 14 one day!! anyway I always remember from my time at school what 14 year old boys and older were like around girls of that age, I was one of them boys, so I know how peer pressure works and the consequences that can happen if you are not strong enough in yourself and have the support of your family and friends around you and how decisions you make now can effect your life.
Time of the month
With both my girls, well before I had no contact at all, I would always take time out to talk to them individually, see how they were getting on and if they had any issues that they did not want to talk to anyone else about, if they did we would address them, calmly and with a positive attitude of wanting to sort things out, for example when your daughter comes to you and tell you she has 'come on', you either faint, panic, call for an ambulance or stay calm, talk and re-assure her and take a trip to the chemist and pick up some pads, oh, just in case you are wondering, I did the latter :)
With regards to my younger two children, 12 and 10, again just being able to be say a few supportive words or just be there for a hug has always been a big part of my life, so yes I do miss that, but for the children to hear arguments, see fighting between my and my ex-wife was no good for them, devil and the deep blue see spring to mind but in my children are always in my thoughts and prayers, and with my new partner by my side, this small, short term pain we are going through will bring about long term gain, of that I am sure.
Mental programming
My younger daughter who is 12 has been really calm through all of this, well so I thought, I got an email supposedly off her, slating me and saying really hurtful things about my new partner, hmm, I really think there should be a law stopping parents, what I can only describe as 'mental programming' their children against the other partner, this has to be a form of child abuse, well this is my opinion anyway as I have seen first hand how 3 loving, caring children are slowly turning on their dad, remember I can not contact my children in any way, all telephone numbers and email addresses have been changed and if I rely to any emails I get, like I did above, they now bounce back to me.
But after talking to my 12 year olds mentor at school, which I arranged for both my girls to have this support from school because I could see that they were not getting support at home, she is doing well in her studies and getting on with things the best she can.
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