As you can see from the dates from my blogs I have not written for a while, I can only put the feelings I have of not seeing my children like that of a bereavement of a loved one.
I know that may sound a little gruesome but in the past 7 / 8 months since I really had a proper conversation with my children, they seem to be in my thoughts less and less, that in its self is very worrying, but I guess this is how I cope.
The old saying "out of site out of mind" is not what I am saying, but like with the passing of a loved one, things do get easier with time.
I attempted to go and see my son at his school on the 10th of June 2008, I did see him, he has grown and looks different than I remember, the biggest shock for me was how he was with me, kind of cold, unsure, not frightened but not sure if he should come and say "Hello Dad", he didn't. I had to go and say hi to him, what a change from the boy that went to the concert with me back in Feb 2007.
After I went to the school I get a letter from my ex-wife solicitor stating that I should not go to the school, my children do not want to see me, hmm, strange that since there is no court order in place or any restrictions in place, I can do as I please with regards to seeing my children, I have never broken any laws nor will I.
My conclusion to any fathers facing the same issues as me is either fight it all the way, it is very, very expensive, I spent £2,500.00 just to get the 6 weeks (4 weeks access, when the ex actually showed up with the children) or 8 hours in total. Or learn to live without your children, it can be done, it is very hard but if, and I mean a big if, if you have support from family and friends you can continue with your life, never give up your prayers and always have your children in your heart and pray that one day when they are older they will want to know your side of the story and the truth, come and find you and say "I love you Dad"
Stay strong, with love
Alan
x
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