Throughout all of this complete episode that has now been going on for nine months I have to bring to out how I now feel about the police and social services, the institutions that are supposed to be in place to look after and protect you, I have found to be totally bias and a complete waste of time.
Drunk at 1.30 in the morning
You see my ex wife came around to my house at 1.30am, with my eldest daughter in the car, so to try and paint a better picture I will start…..
It was just a usual night really, the same routine, until around 1.30am in the morning, we were awoken with what seemed like a banging and a knocking at the door, you know how it is when you have just woken up, or been woken up, it takes you a moment or to gather your thoughts and ‘wake up’. Well I went down stairs to look out the front window and there was my ex-wife kicking well booting really the front door, yelling and screaming for me to open the door because she wanted to ‘talk’ yeah right, like I was gonna open the door and talk to her in that frame of mind, I have learned my lesson from the last time, it ended up with my getting arrested and her getting off Scott free, hmm, I see a pattern forming here, it the one where she causes all the s**t and I get the blame!
Anyway, after calling the police on 999, because neither me or my partner would answer the door, and to be fair to the police they did respond very quickly, this is where my perspective or view on the police started to change in the way that all this incident was handled, yes I know that police have a difficult job but the way all of this was handled and, to this date, the lack of anything happening really has made me feel differently about the police, and to a greater degree the social services of this country.
As the police tried to get my ex to move away and to go home, remember it was now around 2.00am in the morning, the eye opener in the fact that my ex can tell the police to “Get the F**k away from me”, “leave me the F**k alone”, “who the hell do you think you are F**king talking to”, and not even get a telling off for makes you wonder what would have happened if I had opened the door and a verbal slagging match would have taken place, I feel I would have been arrested again and in some way it would have been my fault, but that it just my opinion.
My partner at this point was fantastic, keeping my calm and talking to the police, I even got to have a chat with my daughter, the whole reason my ex was supposed to have come round, and when I did sit down with my daughter on the wall outside my house, with a police officer present, my daughter did not have a word to say to me, apart from bad language, hmm, sounds like her mom, but that’s for later on.
Anyway after what seemed like an age my ex finally got in to her car and the police came to talk to me and my partner where is was brought up that they thought my ex had been drinking, so my partner asked if something should be done about that, Oh both the police officers said, I thought we could smell alcohol! Amazingly they had not even called the traffic police at this point, it had to be pointed out that perhaps they should call the traffic police and maybe, just maybe she was driving while under the influence with a minor in the car!
The drive away
Anyway, as the police set in the car waiting for my ex to drive off, before she did she got back out the car, and tried to knock back on my door, she was moved away yet again by both the police officers, giving them both a mouth full of abuse as before. She then drove off, now remember that my daughter is in the car with her, anyway she subsequently gets arrested and taken to the station on suspicion of drink driving, over the next few weeks I do try to confirm if she has been banned but I do not get anywhere, even talking to social services it a complete waste of time, you would think that more would be done about someone drink driving with children in the car, seems you have to either kill a child or do really bad things before they even “bat an eye lid”, as you can guess my calls to them fell on deaf ears, all I wanted to do was make sure my children were ok they never did......
Sunday 2 September 2007
Friday 24 August 2007
February and Keane
February and the concert.
This was a month in which I did manage to see my son, he even was allowed to stay over with me and my partner, wow, I hear you gasp!!
Keane in concert
You see I had brought my son some tickets to go and see Keane at the NEC some time last year and as the date was approaching I really thought that I would have to sell the tickets because my ex-partner would never let my son go out with me and my new partner, would she?
Hmm, well he was allowed and I have to say that we had a fantastic time, and I will always remember how wet we all got going from the car park to the venue, let me explain.
People or sheep:
People being people they will see either see a queue and join it or see a group of people walking in what seems the general direction of the venue and just follow. Well we did what all good sheep do and followed the crowed, not to bad at the start but as the rain got faster and faster, heaver and heaver, we all got wetter and wetter and the venue seemed miles away, strange how when you are driving its always closer! My son being the brighter one of this small group of me, my partner and himself put on 1 but 2 hoods upon his head and had great fun dancing in the rain making fun of me and my partner both trying very hard to stay dry under the smallest of umbrellas, but it was the kind of rain that came in from the side so, well you can just imagine we were getting very wet and following this long line of people heading towards the NEC.
Not a field…
Well, we were in great spirits even though we were getting wet and we even had a cross over a muddy field, see what happens when you just blindly follow people, what a laugh when we got to the other end of this field and we had to clime over a wire fence, me and my son were ok but Sam had her boots on and, well for any boot wearing ladies reading this, sinking, slipping and getting very muddy may spring to mind, but we did manage to get to the venue doors in one piece and looking back now, I have to smile because as we got to the venue doors we saw the bus stop that takes people to and from the car park. So let this be a lesson to you all, don’t just follow, and look for a bus first!
The concert was fantastic, and even though I was not really a Keane fan before the concert I am now, Louis and Sam got on really well and I thought this is how it should be.
I went to bed that night really pleased and happy knowing that my son got on well with my new partner and vice a versa really, but to be honest Sam is so good with children, caring and will give her time I did know that it would not be a problem.
Oh, please excuse my sons hair on the photo, well it was raining!!
Keane in concert
You see I had brought my son some tickets to go and see Keane at the NEC some time last year and as the date was approaching I really thought that I would have to sell the tickets because my ex-partner would never let my son go out with me and my new partner, would she?
Hmm, well he was allowed and I have to say that we had a fantastic time, and I will always remember how wet we all got going from the car park to the venue, let me explain.
People or sheep:
People being people they will see either see a queue and join it or see a group of people walking in what seems the general direction of the venue and just follow. Well we did what all good sheep do and followed the crowed, not to bad at the start but as the rain got faster and faster, heaver and heaver, we all got wetter and wetter and the venue seemed miles away, strange how when you are driving its always closer! My son being the brighter one of this small group of me, my partner and himself put on 1 but 2 hoods upon his head and had great fun dancing in the rain making fun of me and my partner both trying very hard to stay dry under the smallest of umbrellas, but it was the kind of rain that came in from the side so, well you can just imagine we were getting very wet and following this long line of people heading towards the NEC.
Not a field…
Well, we were in great spirits even though we were getting wet and we even had a cross over a muddy field, see what happens when you just blindly follow people, what a laugh when we got to the other end of this field and we had to clime over a wire fence, me and my son were ok but Sam had her boots on and, well for any boot wearing ladies reading this, sinking, slipping and getting very muddy may spring to mind, but we did manage to get to the venue doors in one piece and looking back now, I have to smile because as we got to the venue doors we saw the bus stop that takes people to and from the car park. So let this be a lesson to you all, don’t just follow, and look for a bus first!
The concert was fantastic, and even though I was not really a Keane fan before the concert I am now, Louis and Sam got on really well and I thought this is how it should be.
I went to bed that night really pleased and happy knowing that my son got on well with my new partner and vice a versa really, but to be honest Sam is so good with children, caring and will give her time I did know that it would not be a problem.
Oh, please excuse my sons hair on the photo, well it was raining!!
Wednesday 22 August 2007
January
This is where things start to get a little weird, or should I say this is when my regular contact with my children starts to become a little more, how do you say sporadic.
My ex wife now knows about my girlfriend, but then again she also tells me about her boyfriend, not a problem for me, as long as he is good to my children then I am happy, even though I was still getting flowers off my ex, hmm, even my girlfriend found that a little strange!
Its now that my contact starts to become less and less with my children, I get restricted to 4 hours a week, with the request, err no the demand that I can only see the children at my parents house, my new partner can not be there and I can not take the children out the house, as you can guess after about 2 weeks of such restricted access the children get board and they start telling me they don’t want to come on their allowed days.
Painful on the inside that…
My ex wife now knows about my girlfriend, but then again she also tells me about her boyfriend, not a problem for me, as long as he is good to my children then I am happy, even though I was still getting flowers off my ex, hmm, even my girlfriend found that a little strange!
Its now that my contact starts to become less and less with my children, I get restricted to 4 hours a week, with the request, err no the demand that I can only see the children at my parents house, my new partner can not be there and I can not take the children out the house, as you can guess after about 2 weeks of such restricted access the children get board and they start telling me they don’t want to come on their allowed days.
Painful on the inside that…
Todays thought...
I know I am writing this blog with in retrospect or hindsight, but to be honest, even now while I am writing this it is still really hard to believe that it has been 8 months without regular and, what I would call supportive, constructive contact, the kind of contact where you can address issues of boyfriends, in the case of my 14 your old, homework, the dangers of peer pressure, sex, smoking drink and drugs.
Remember we were all 14 once, well unless your younger reading this, then, you will be 14 one day!! anyway I always remember from my time at school what 14 year old boys and older were like around girls of that age, I was one of them boys, so I know how peer pressure works and the consequences that can happen if you are not strong enough in yourself and have the support of your family and friends around you and how decisions you make now can effect your life.
Time of the month
With both my girls, well before I had no contact at all, I would always take time out to talk to them individually, see how they were getting on and if they had any issues that they did not want to talk to anyone else about, if they did we would address them, calmly and with a positive attitude of wanting to sort things out, for example when your daughter comes to you and tell you she has 'come on', you either faint, panic, call for an ambulance or stay calm, talk and re-assure her and take a trip to the chemist and pick up some pads, oh, just in case you are wondering, I did the latter :)
With regards to my younger two children, 12 and 10, again just being able to be say a few supportive words or just be there for a hug has always been a big part of my life, so yes I do miss that, but for the children to hear arguments, see fighting between my and my ex-wife was no good for them, devil and the deep blue see spring to mind but in my children are always in my thoughts and prayers, and with my new partner by my side, this small, short term pain we are going through will bring about long term gain, of that I am sure.
Mental programming
My younger daughter who is 12 has been really calm through all of this, well so I thought, I got an email supposedly off her, slating me and saying really hurtful things about my new partner, hmm, I really think there should be a law stopping parents, what I can only describe as 'mental programming' their children against the other partner, this has to be a form of child abuse, well this is my opinion anyway as I have seen first hand how 3 loving, caring children are slowly turning on their dad, remember I can not contact my children in any way, all telephone numbers and email addresses have been changed and if I rely to any emails I get, like I did above, they now bounce back to me.
But after talking to my 12 year olds mentor at school, which I arranged for both my girls to have this support from school because I could see that they were not getting support at home, she is doing well in her studies and getting on with things the best she can.
Remember we were all 14 once, well unless your younger reading this, then, you will be 14 one day!! anyway I always remember from my time at school what 14 year old boys and older were like around girls of that age, I was one of them boys, so I know how peer pressure works and the consequences that can happen if you are not strong enough in yourself and have the support of your family and friends around you and how decisions you make now can effect your life.
Time of the month
With both my girls, well before I had no contact at all, I would always take time out to talk to them individually, see how they were getting on and if they had any issues that they did not want to talk to anyone else about, if they did we would address them, calmly and with a positive attitude of wanting to sort things out, for example when your daughter comes to you and tell you she has 'come on', you either faint, panic, call for an ambulance or stay calm, talk and re-assure her and take a trip to the chemist and pick up some pads, oh, just in case you are wondering, I did the latter :)
With regards to my younger two children, 12 and 10, again just being able to be say a few supportive words or just be there for a hug has always been a big part of my life, so yes I do miss that, but for the children to hear arguments, see fighting between my and my ex-wife was no good for them, devil and the deep blue see spring to mind but in my children are always in my thoughts and prayers, and with my new partner by my side, this small, short term pain we are going through will bring about long term gain, of that I am sure.
Mental programming
My younger daughter who is 12 has been really calm through all of this, well so I thought, I got an email supposedly off her, slating me and saying really hurtful things about my new partner, hmm, I really think there should be a law stopping parents, what I can only describe as 'mental programming' their children against the other partner, this has to be a form of child abuse, well this is my opinion anyway as I have seen first hand how 3 loving, caring children are slowly turning on their dad, remember I can not contact my children in any way, all telephone numbers and email addresses have been changed and if I rely to any emails I get, like I did above, they now bounce back to me.
But after talking to my 12 year olds mentor at school, which I arranged for both my girls to have this support from school because I could see that they were not getting support at home, she is doing well in her studies and getting on with things the best she can.
Monday 20 August 2007
End of December
With the way things had been for me over the past few months it was nice to finally have some time off work and with Christmas coming up I thought it would be nice to just spend some time with my children. I have never really been a big fan of Christmas, to commercial, but I still think it is a time for family and just spending time together so with that in mind and a credit card I had not used for a while, see I am learning, I went and brought my children their presents, nothing to expensive but enough to see them excited.
Winter + Bike = Cold
Now I know that buying my son a bike would mean me standing in the freezing cold teaching him to ride with no stabilisers but the look on his face was one to remember so the frost bite and red nose was worth it!!!
During this silly season is where I met my new partner, I was out for a drink with my best friend and one of his friends. We started out by going to a local pub by where I live but the atmosphere was poor and we decided to move on.
Next bad choice - the pub I mean
Strange how fate can take you to a place you didn’t even think you were going to, we decided to go closer to the city for a few more drinks but the same poor atmosphere and the lack of people made us move on yet again. We ended up in a pub with a late licence, the music was good, well if you like dance, R ‘n’ B etc. And there she was, someone whom I knew to say hello to, but until now I thought she was married and happy.
Free drink, well I drank it!
We started chatting, you know the usual, how are the children, who you with, can I have your number, even if it’s the wrong one… You know the way it goes when you have to shout your words. I did manage to get a free drink, it was ordered for someone else but she said I could have it anyway, honest! Hmm, come to think of it, no wonder my partners best friend does not talk to me, could that have been her drink that I drank at the bar? Hmm…….
So my end of December start of January started off really well, I had spent time with my children, and I had the number, oh and address of a really, smart, sexy lady, things are looking up I thought, could my life really be turning around…..
Winter + Bike = Cold
Now I know that buying my son a bike would mean me standing in the freezing cold teaching him to ride with no stabilisers but the look on his face was one to remember so the frost bite and red nose was worth it!!!
During this silly season is where I met my new partner, I was out for a drink with my best friend and one of his friends. We started out by going to a local pub by where I live but the atmosphere was poor and we decided to move on.
Next bad choice - the pub I mean
Strange how fate can take you to a place you didn’t even think you were going to, we decided to go closer to the city for a few more drinks but the same poor atmosphere and the lack of people made us move on yet again. We ended up in a pub with a late licence, the music was good, well if you like dance, R ‘n’ B etc. And there she was, someone whom I knew to say hello to, but until now I thought she was married and happy.
Free drink, well I drank it!
We started chatting, you know the usual, how are the children, who you with, can I have your number, even if it’s the wrong one… You know the way it goes when you have to shout your words. I did manage to get a free drink, it was ordered for someone else but she said I could have it anyway, honest! Hmm, come to think of it, no wonder my partners best friend does not talk to me, could that have been her drink that I drank at the bar? Hmm…….
So my end of December start of January started off really well, I had spent time with my children, and I had the number, oh and address of a really, smart, sexy lady, things are looking up I thought, could my life really be turning around…..
Sunday 19 August 2007
Home from home
I ended up staying at my brother’s place, not to bad I hear you say, but my brother is disabled and lives in a 1 bed roomed bungalow, now I love my brother but he is very disorganised and his living room, which was to be my bedroom, was full of junk, books, beds and old sofa. So a bit of hard work and some trips to the local tip and I at least had a place to lay my head.
Ex-con as a neighbour
Anyway, after 6 - 8 months I managed to get a place of my own, not a palace, in fact in a flat in one of the roughest parts of the city, for example, my neighbour, below me, had just got out of prison for ABH and drug offences, really scary from the outward appearance but when you got to know him, he was a really good guy, his friends on the other hand, coming to his flat at 3 in the morning with guns and knives, just for a fix was a bit of a wake up call for me to get the hell out of there!!!
Sorry for all the history but I just needed to get down a very brief background as to where I was coming from, my past 15 years in a few lines, sorry if I have bored anybody!!
Still at work.
I would also like to add that throughout all of this I was working full time and also going to college on the evenings, looking back, I can see that keeping busy and taking each days as it comes is what has kept me sane and is a massive reason that I can continue without seeing my children at the moment, a lessen learned and one that I hope people can tale encouragement from.
Back to the family home.
Me being me, soft, daft, plain stupid are some of the words my friends and family have said, but I did go back to live with my ex, I gave up my flat and independence, but, boy, what a mistake, I should have took the hint when I had to move all my belongings in with no help and on the day of the ‘move’ my car would not start, hmm, how many hints did I need huh?
Over again
Wow, after about 1 week I understood why I left in the first place, don’t get me wrong, being back with my children was fantastic, but the arguments, the over drinking, not me I hasten to add, had all started again, F**k sake, what I mug I was, I even gave her my car, took on her finance and debts, see, mug, Muppet, fool, spring to mind, well guess what I totally agree. What is done is done but yet again I was left to go back to my parents, even more skint, but with a life lesson learnt that will never be repeated. Just to add this cycle of back and forth has been going on since 2004; see I am a slow learner!!!
Beck and call
See still not learning my lesson, well, this is a different lesson, but in the same vain, I was still being used to baby sit whenever called upon and be an on tap bank and money lender, no money giver is more accurate and to the point, for me I only ever saw the positive side of this because it meant I got to see my children, see writing this down now I still cant believe how ‘used’ I was and how much of a walk over I had been for so many years. But things have a habit of changing….
Fun begins
This is where the fun begins, the fact I have not seen my children on a regular basis for over 8 months and how despite it all I still wake up with a smile on my face each morning, well most times, and its not wind either!!!
New partner.
My new partner has been so kind, supportive and a rock for me, for the past 8 months she has give me words of encouragement, words of advice and even a few home truths, which I have had to “take on the chin”, words can not describe how much she means to me, in a nut shell, if I had my children in my life on a regular basis along with my new partner, life could not get any better for me, well, that is my dream and I will make it happen.
Ex-con as a neighbour
Anyway, after 6 - 8 months I managed to get a place of my own, not a palace, in fact in a flat in one of the roughest parts of the city, for example, my neighbour, below me, had just got out of prison for ABH and drug offences, really scary from the outward appearance but when you got to know him, he was a really good guy, his friends on the other hand, coming to his flat at 3 in the morning with guns and knives, just for a fix was a bit of a wake up call for me to get the hell out of there!!!
Sorry for all the history but I just needed to get down a very brief background as to where I was coming from, my past 15 years in a few lines, sorry if I have bored anybody!!
Still at work.
I would also like to add that throughout all of this I was working full time and also going to college on the evenings, looking back, I can see that keeping busy and taking each days as it comes is what has kept me sane and is a massive reason that I can continue without seeing my children at the moment, a lessen learned and one that I hope people can tale encouragement from.
Back to the family home.
Me being me, soft, daft, plain stupid are some of the words my friends and family have said, but I did go back to live with my ex, I gave up my flat and independence, but, boy, what a mistake, I should have took the hint when I had to move all my belongings in with no help and on the day of the ‘move’ my car would not start, hmm, how many hints did I need huh?
Over again
Wow, after about 1 week I understood why I left in the first place, don’t get me wrong, being back with my children was fantastic, but the arguments, the over drinking, not me I hasten to add, had all started again, F**k sake, what I mug I was, I even gave her my car, took on her finance and debts, see, mug, Muppet, fool, spring to mind, well guess what I totally agree. What is done is done but yet again I was left to go back to my parents, even more skint, but with a life lesson learnt that will never be repeated. Just to add this cycle of back and forth has been going on since 2004; see I am a slow learner!!!
Beck and call
See still not learning my lesson, well, this is a different lesson, but in the same vain, I was still being used to baby sit whenever called upon and be an on tap bank and money lender, no money giver is more accurate and to the point, for me I only ever saw the positive side of this because it meant I got to see my children, see writing this down now I still cant believe how ‘used’ I was and how much of a walk over I had been for so many years. But things have a habit of changing….
Fun begins
This is where the fun begins, the fact I have not seen my children on a regular basis for over 8 months and how despite it all I still wake up with a smile on my face each morning, well most times, and its not wind either!!!
New partner.
My new partner has been so kind, supportive and a rock for me, for the past 8 months she has give me words of encouragement, words of advice and even a few home truths, which I have had to “take on the chin”, words can not describe how much she means to me, in a nut shell, if I had my children in my life on a regular basis along with my new partner, life could not get any better for me, well, that is my dream and I will make it happen.
How it all started.
The history…..
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, oh sorry wrong story….
When I was 19 I started a relationship, nothing new there, but after 3 months, yep only 3 months we have the daunting task of telling our parents that we were having a baby, hmm I hear you say, this is when you do a runner, never pay maintenance and that’s why you never see your children, well think again…
Old Skool
You see my parents are what you would say are old school, the kind of parents that would say the kind of words “you made your bed now lie in it”, and “You got the girl in trouble, your problem”, but to be totally fair to both my parents, they have been so good to me since my separation, giving me a place to stay and I know that they miss seeing their grandchildren as much as I do.
Do your best.
Anyway for the next 13 years, I did just that, I did my best to support my family, in terms of both being a loving father and a provider, never really happy with the situation but doing my best because I have always been devoted to my 3 children. My now ex-wife always going out with her friends and buying unneeded things from the catalogue, that coupled with arguments, affairs and threesomes, (that’s not for this blog) which over time cost me my home, and my family, left me with debts totalling £40,000.
My ex ended up getting a very nice 3 three bed roomed council house, I was homeless, to scared, no embarrassed to admit to my parents that I had failed, but deep inside of me I did feel a real calmness and a what I can only describe as a sense of freedom, being released, but knowing that I would find it hard to see my children.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, oh sorry wrong story….
When I was 19 I started a relationship, nothing new there, but after 3 months, yep only 3 months we have the daunting task of telling our parents that we were having a baby, hmm I hear you say, this is when you do a runner, never pay maintenance and that’s why you never see your children, well think again…
Old Skool
You see my parents are what you would say are old school, the kind of parents that would say the kind of words “you made your bed now lie in it”, and “You got the girl in trouble, your problem”, but to be totally fair to both my parents, they have been so good to me since my separation, giving me a place to stay and I know that they miss seeing their grandchildren as much as I do.
Do your best.
Anyway for the next 13 years, I did just that, I did my best to support my family, in terms of both being a loving father and a provider, never really happy with the situation but doing my best because I have always been devoted to my 3 children. My now ex-wife always going out with her friends and buying unneeded things from the catalogue, that coupled with arguments, affairs and threesomes, (that’s not for this blog) which over time cost me my home, and my family, left me with debts totalling £40,000.
My ex ended up getting a very nice 3 three bed roomed council house, I was homeless, to scared, no embarrassed to admit to my parents that I had failed, but deep inside of me I did feel a real calmness and a what I can only describe as a sense of freedom, being released, but knowing that I would find it hard to see my children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
